#BirthdayBlog

In light of a 6' 4 nigga's birthday I want to reflect back on a certain born day I had. It was a few years back, I had to be just short of two decades old. I was a drinking novice and I remember just wanting to be very intoxicated. I couldn't just waltz into a liquor store with a fake ID at this time cause nigga's beards was just fiction b. Like the three strands I did have could of easily came off if I pulled my shirt over my face too fast.  Naw I wasn't taking my chances, so I had my nigga of proper age cop my shit for me. He didn't even tell me what he was getting, all he said was "Trust me, I got you dawg." Now, any nigga that is a real nigga knows if those words are to ever come out of someone's mouth they CANNOT be trusted (especially your homie). But I ignored the warning sign, and put the fate of my liver in his hands.

Moving along...some time passes and an audible is called. Some brownskin estrogen I have been talking to wanted to go to the movies. A lightbulb flashes in my head. I can sip a little, hit the movies, the do the Deion dance in some new box for my b-day. A great night was set in place....

Now I meet up with my nigga to grab the liquor he copped. He tells me he grabbed two 40 ounces. I gave this nigga the most authentic "the fuck was you thinking" face. Nigga wanted me smelling like the drunk uncle at the family reunion. Smh. I was not with it. So next I had to do what any nigga would of done in that situation....I drank them. *Shrugs* Now after I polished both of them off, I begin to have a buzz...smelling like a wino...but drunk nonetheless. Now we go to pick up our estrogen and on the way this nigga looks at me and says "Oh I forgot, I got you this Henny too". At this point I wanted to uppercut the nigga for not telling me this valuable information previously. I have 80 ounces of malt liquor in my system and now about to guzzle some Henny like its Cran-Grape. This is the moment I should have realized the night couldnt possibly end well at this rate.

But I kept drinking anway. Now the estrogen is in the car and I dont even know my name. It could have been D-man for the rest of the night I wouldn't of known. Now my drunk ass is offering her liquor, just to go to the movies. Yea this could easily fall into the top 10 lamest shit list b. My stock for box dancing had to plummet 50% in this attempt alone dawg. Now once we arrive at the movies I am barely able to even stand in line. I manage to diddy bop up, grab the tickets, and get to our seats. I thought I would be cool but niggas stomachs said otherwise. Im starting to realize this might be the dumbest idea I ever orchestrated, not to even mention the movie that we selected.

My nigga and niggettes I was in the fucking Dark Knight with 80 proof cognac liquor filling my body up to my hairline. Dawg that was the longest movie in fucking history of motion pictures. It's the opening scene and I'm just sitting there trying to figure out a way of how to make me throwing up look cool. Naw not happening, no fucking way yo. Not even 10 minutes into the movie I just close my eyes and let the regurgitation Gods take control. Everything I ate that week was coming back up, all over the place. At this point the Joker had a better chance of getting to the box than me. I couldnt even look at my estrogen without feeling embarrassed. I just sat there in shame for 2 hours and 32 minutes b. That 9,120 seconds of struggle was the longest ever of my life. On the way out the theatre I just looked down at my Air Max 90's and fake slept the whole way home. No way any female could take a nigga serious after redecorating his Polo with vomit b. If she deleted my number while in the movie I wouldnt of been surpised. I would of done it for her if I could. Smh. This night was definitely a learning experience for me and I'm sure ya'll know the true moral of this story.

Im sure I would have felt a lot better knowing she paid her own way. #EmbraceTheDutchDate

Yall be cool how yall be cool, I'm out until next time.


Follow the squad @gritscapone @I_WhiteMike @Rell_Mac and myself @E_TRELL

Written by E Man (@E_TRELL)