#FakeLife

White mike will be doing stand up at the Pittsburgh Improv in the Waterfront. Details coming soon.

It's that time again and I know y'all niggas "fake" missed me b. Some of yall are lost and have no clue as to what fake missed is, well me and my fellow blog squad niggas are masters at that fake life. If you've been reading the blogs you know by now we're almost at 18k views which automatically makes us fake famous. Yeah I said it, now let us fucking cook. We be at the club being fake fancy and not sweating it up with them SOCIALITE hoes. We be fake busy doing real nigga shit at times, therefore we skip blogs some weeks. Niggas be doing a lot of fake shit but the one thing we don't do is fake ball. That means we don't be on Twitter and on our real life time line lying about what we got or what we do...but on the other hand some of you mafuckas do just that and I have the clues to help you identify fake balling.

1. If you spot this nigga in the club wearing Trues, a Louie V belt with the hanging pouch wallet thing, Ray Bans and the newest Jordan's he camped out for occupy Pittsburgh refugee style. But told you he ain't drive cause he was to hit? Meanwhile you saw him nursing a shot all night... He doesn't have a car and he is fake balling.

2. If she got on red bottoms with a dope spring collection Louie bag and that straight from Drews Indian remy. But is driving that multi color bald tire 93 Beretta putt putt it's not any doubt in my mind she's going home to a sink full of dirty dishes and a 12 year old baby sitting her 3 kids. She is fake balling.

3. If y'all get to the point where the skins are gonna be put on a silver platter and served in the finest threads that Victoria's Secret offers and he says I'm tryna be in ya bed I just need a break from my usual? That translates to I stay with my moms and I can't be trying serenade that thing in moms basement and expect you to respect me in the morning. #ButHeGotThemJ'sTho

4. If she has kids by a low level Pittsburgh drug dealer and lives in any subsidized housing unit and works anywhere making less than 30k a year. Not only that but she has booking info in her twitter bio not only is she a bonafide hoe but I'm sure she's fake bougie and is late on at least 2 bills a month.

5. That awkward moment when he tweets about blowing loud all day and that daily "rise and grind off to the money" tweet but just borrowed money off his BM to flip so he could get back on his feet. Yeah that's the nigga that will steal off you and help you look for the missing shit. He be like "Damn bro where you have it last?."

6. If you ask her to dinner and you tell her she can eat wherever she wants cause you trying to be fake boss status and she says red lobster, that tells you 2 things about her. 

1. She clearly doesn't value her digestive system by eating that tv dinner seafood and 
2. She has been fake fancy for quite some time and still hasn't progressed to Capitol grille yet. She has no drive and still managed to be entry level fake balling.

7. This one is quite simple. If he twitpics some bullshit like shoes, empty bottles, money stacks, or pic stitches his outfit daily. You can rest assure that this nigga has lived below the poverty line far too long to even appreciate money and will frivolously blow any bit of money he gets to impress people he doesn't know. That's fake balling...the rookie edition.

8. If she owns any merchandise designed by someone that charges 3 times an average mortgage payment but makes less than 20 dollars per hour. That means she has no priorities or she is fucking for materialistic things, either way you don't want that bitch within a 25 foot radius of you bruh.

9. If he has any foreign car that requires 93 octane gasoline but has safe auto insurance with a 250 dollar deductible. It's most certain that this nigga was raised in a single parent household and his mother dabbled in narcotic abuse during his adolescent years and he was ridiculed in school for it. Now he got the Benz coupe with fake insurance on it.

10. If she's wearing a lacefront wig and....... well it doesn't matter. If that bitch got on a lacefront she's fake balling regardless and niggas who approach you in the club only have sexual desires for you and will not commit to a lifestyle of clogged drains and perfectly places hairlines b.

These are just a few examples of fake balling that takes place in the filthy streets of Twitter and on the slightly maintained avenues of instagram. So when you see one of your followers fake balling feel free to do the Ricky Bobby right into their mentions with 140 characters of heated slander and please express your disgust with that individual.



Follow the blog Dream Team that's myself @Rell_Mac @gritscapone and @E_TRELL some regular niggas that are fake famous!


Check this out before you leave, another nigga #FakeBallin

Written by The Veteran (@I_WhiteMike)